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2013-02-27, 11:16 a.m.:
"SMASH Don�t Give a Shit: 'The Dramaturg'"--best of the Net this week (besides whatever the current 'Best in Jennifer Lawrence" quotes are), from Annoying Actor Friend. "One is all you need. ONE. YOU HEAR THAT JULIAN FELLOWES???" I hope 'Smash' is loving its ironically being a show about its very own self. 'Bombshell' is badly written! - 'Smash' is badly written! The character of Marilyn is unbelievable and uncharismatic, even though we're meant to love her to literal death, to want to cover her body in honey and then slowly lick it off her over two point five hours of the most generic fake Broadway tunes you've ever heard (as if all innovation on the Great White Way stopped pre-'Carousel' and Stephen Sondheim was never ever born). Alas, 'Smash' is as unbelievable and unlovable as 'Bombshell.' As false-ringing as the fact that anyone could get worked up over a 'Wiz' revival. Or that 'breaking out' and 'taking it to the next level' mean letting sweaty dancer bodies to grind their privates into you while you sing 'American Idol original song contest' reject entries at your one-night-only live concert. Which, for some reason, is supposed to show people what a good, edgy actress you've become since, boo-hoo, winning your two Tonys. 'Smash' has taught me other things as well. It has taught me how to become a 'Broadway composer/lyricist' team in proper emo fashion, for instance. Write a bunch of power pop anthems, lose the lyrics (or at least those three repeating words in the chorus) on the bus, ignore completely such extraneous and distracting elements as context or character or, for eff's sake, PLOT, and most of all make sure that no one, NO ONE AT ALL, ever hears you playing, singing or talking about your oeuvre, under pain of death and many fake smolder-y looks. Ugh, so frustrating. Watching 'Smash' reminds me why I love theater but hate theatricality or "the theater world." Just give me the magic, not the blueprints. Or, if you're going to make me look at the blueprints and the process and the 'before' pictures, at least make it the REAL thing and not some crazy, made-up, photoshopped VOID populated by dull, pretty people who are all so insecure that you want to punch them in the face every 12.5 seconds. (OK, not Angelica Huston. Never Angelica Huston! I love her, and her character is the only one who is taking care of business, getting things done, kicking butt and behaving like a human being and not a giant walking wound that has no business being out in public, accosting others with their emotional vampire stage fangs. Love Angelica!) I'm actually not that curmudgeonly. I actually am fascinated by the makings and the workings of things, the totally gripping "Making of Miss Saigon' documentary (all too short as it is) or 'One Little Step,' about casting the 'Chorus Line' revival. Fascinating stuff. Real stuff. I hate seeing all this incredible stage talent of today on the little screen (which we thought would be such a treat!) wasted and completely ill-used and, in some cases, looking ridiculous. I remember also that 'Smash' liked in the beginning to talk itself up by declaring itself the anti-'Glee,' Oh, we're NOTHING like 'Glee!' Yeah, sorry to tell you. 'Glee' has been sucking big time for quite awhile. The bar is now set low. Unfortunately, 'Smash' is nowhere near to reaching it. 2 comments
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